Some tips for how to deal with a nagging wife.

1. Don't Get Married.


2. If you are married - get divorced.

• (see number 1)

3. Say yes to everything.

"Don't leave your plates there!"
"Yes, dear"
"are you going to finally get that picture put up?"
"Yes, dear"
"we shouldn't have bought that picture should we?"
"yes dear"
"What would you do without me to tell you what to do."
"yes, dear"
"Why do I have to tell you to do everything?"
"yes, dear"

Just say yes. Saying yes, is the path of least resistance. However, be careful, some answers may actually require a no. For variety, you could throw in a "I completely agree" or "yes, your right". The important thing is you agree with the wife, never directly oppose her. For example, suppose she asks you to cut the lawn, but you don't want to. Just say yes. When she later asks you why you haven't done it, see: number 4, number 6 or number 2

4. Say sorry to everything.

"Why haven't you done x,y,z"
"sorry, dear"

You don't have to actually feel sorry, the important thing is to sound suitably apologetic and pathetic. This does not mean you are losing your dignity, far from it; think of it as very cleverly deflecting all the angst being directed into your corner. Through humility, you are creating harmony where there is frustration. A noble ideal, which will surely have its reward in due course.

5. Lavish Praise.

What a marvelous job you do in cleaning the house! I'm so lucky to have a wife who is so good at cleaning. What you are subtly saying is; why ask me to do it, when you do a much better job.

"Why can't you clean up those dishes,"

"but, you do a much better job than me, dear."

6. Do things so badly you will never be asked again.

Does your wife nag you to go and do the shopping? Well, why not go; but conveniently forget her list? Instead of buying sensible things, come back with intriguing selections of "gourmet" food, and 20 Ready meals (on special offer, with no need for washing up or cooking) If you do something sufficiently badly, you will not be asked again. This point is for the brave; it may require alot or reference to point number 4 (profuse apologies)

7. Presents.

Buy flowers to throw her off guard. You'll probably forget anniversaries and birthdays, so just buy in advance on some random day. "But, I can celebrate your birthday anyday."

8. Do a Basil Fawlty and have a Nervous Breakdown.




[1] (actually, it's this simple, but we need to think of another 600 words for an article)

Labels: fawlty towers, funny

I feel a little sorry for the mascot hit in the face, but there are some very funny clips on here

Labels: football, funny

These are real notes written by parents in an ALABAMA school district. Spellings have been left intact.

1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

2 Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being ****absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.**

5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre… dyrea …. direathe… the shits. **

12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday.He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i don’t know what size she wear.

16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it was sunday.

17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the marines.

19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday.He had a cold and could not breed well.

20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because shehad a fever, sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sisterwas also sick, fever an sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.

View also:

• Funny Exam Answers - its not just parents who can make mistakes

Labels: funny